For the sake of our marriages, relationships or just
spiritual well-being, we need to be able to find the
answer. You are in a battle against sexual lust. Here is
how you win:
1. Consistent prayer. Prayer is the act of communicating
your thoughts, worries, hopes and dreams to God. Lift up
the desires you are feeling and ask for help. God made
you and knows you and can deliver you time and time
2. Avoid pornography. Besides the obvious reason—that
avoiding porn will help guard against lust—there are
psychological reasons as well. Porn creates unrealistic
expectations and desensitizes our minds toward our
spouses. They can’t possibly live up to what is viewed,
and would we even want them to? This pushes the focus
of your sexual desires outside of the home and can only
lead to paths of destruction.
3. Use social media with caution. The benefits of the age
of social networks are many. The pitfalls are equally as
great. We are reunited with people from our past and
introduced to those who are new. Old sparks can be
renewed or new ones can be lit. For a married man, this
can be extremely perilous. Always remain alert to true
intentions when using social media.
4. Consider the consequences. Fear is a great protector.
While pondering the object of your desire, also ponder the
consequences of action. Do you want to wind up in
couples therapy? Could your lust lead to an STD or even
an addiction? If you think of these things while your
desires are at their peak, you will find them quickly
receding to normal levels.
5. Question your intent. Most times when our minds
wander sexually, we aren’t really seeking pure sex. We
are seeking to replace something missing in our lives
and our relationships. For each man, these things will be
specific to his experiences.
Figure out the root issue and
work to correct it.
6. Practice sexual intimacy. Do you remember falling in
love and the feeling that nobody in the world existed
except the person you loved? The reason for that is the
high level of intimacy that was shared while you were
getting to know each other. While there is no reset
button to start the marital relationship over, there are
certainly plenty of ways to regain that level of intimacy.
Improving communication, date nights, passionate
kissing and thoughtful gestures are just a few examples.
When our minds and hearts are occupied in the right
place, sexual lust has little room to operate.
7. Avoid tempting situations. The last thing you want to
do is find yourself alone with the object of your lustful
desires. If contact with that person is a must, then make
sure it is always in a public space and others are
around. Do not paint yourself into a corner where further
action is possible.
8. Choose your friends wisely. When battling lust, there
are plenty of people we can find who will enable that to
grow even more powerful. As men, we all have friends
who are single and living that lifestyle, who are married
but cheating, or who are just drawn to trouble. You can
still be their friend, but by all means avoid joining them
in their choices.
9. Keep high standards. To be a gentleman is a choice—
a very good choice, and this world today needs a great
many more. Despite the vast amount of temptations life
throws our way, we should hold ourselves to the highest
of moral standards. Self-discipline in all areas of life
leads to positive results.
10. Harness your passion. In most cases, overwhelming
sexual lust is really just a desire to release the deep
passion inside of you that has nothing to do with sex.
Instead, direct that passion in positive directions.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Coach a youth sports
team. Mentor troubled individuals. The satisfaction that
comes from building and creating will defeat the
destruction that comes from succumbing to the path of
sexual lust and desire.